The Gift of Feelings

Feelings, we have them all day, every day. They are like the background music to our daily lives.  Yet, how often do we really tune into them? What are these things called feelings and what purpose do they have? When I ask that question, many people do not have a clear answer. This is especially true when the “uncomfortable” or “bad feelings” come to the table. What could grief, shame, jealousy, anger, anxiety, or boredom have to teach us? Quite a lot actually.

Let’s face it. We do not live in a feeling culture. Feelings are often labeled weak, cowardly, immature, silly, inaccurate, and inadequate. Ironically, tuning into feelings is one of the most courageous and wise things one can do. Yet, often we are taught about feelings from people who don’t know much about feelings and the result is we numb, block, disregard, or even shame them away. Additionally, some feelings have been deemed “more acceptable” for men or women or for certain situations. In our culture, it is typically more acceptable for men to be angry and for women to be sad. Often when that happens, all feelings are channeled through the acceptable one and we get angry men and sad women no matter what the variant or nuance of feeling.

Now, the left-brain is a wonderful thing. The home of logical and rational thinking, we need this part of our mind to analyze data, schedule, plan, organize, and add structure and form to our ideas. The thing is, while incredibly helpful for certain tasks, our logical mind is not so good at answering other questions. Love, purpose, inspiration, intuition, and aspiration are often not logical or linear. In that sense, our EQ (emotional intelligence) is just as important (some might even say more important) as our IQ. Without access to the whole of our being, we are missing half of the data, half of our inner compass.

So, what are the gifts of feelings?

Feelings do two things: One, they give us vital information, and two, they help discharge energy (think emotion=energy in motion). I like to think of feelings as barometers of our inner weather. Much as our physical senses give us information about our external environment, feelings give us important information about our inner world, our psyche, our past, and future. Feelings give us important data about what we need to attend to and what actions to take. For example, the gift of anger is clarity and assertion and the gift of sadness is release and letting go. They quite simply give us the information and the energy to use to move forward.

Feelings themselves are never wrong, of course, it is what we do with our feelings and how conscious or unconscious we are with them that determine functionality. This is where feelings can become confusing. Many feelings are sourced in safety and security, and anytime those players come to the table we have an innate and often reactive response.  If our inner security system was infected with unsafe messages and experiences early on in life, it is easy to recognize how certain feelings can be reactive. Often, a trigger in the present can easily open a wellspring of stored feelings from the past, hijacking and shape-shifting us into defenders and warriors protecting and fighting an old war in present time.

It is critical when working with feelings to first ascertain if the depth of our feeling is about now or is a leftover from our past. This is especially true when we are flooded with emotion. Often when flooded or triggered we react and then reenact our past in present time. The gift of feelings here is to show us exactly what needs healing within us.

We always have a choice between habit or change and to approach feelings unconsciously or consciously. When worked with consciously, feelings offer us the wisdom of healing by pointing out all the places we feel unsafe. It allows us the opportunity to regain a grounded rather than a reflected sense of self. It shows us where we can reclaim, heal, and transform long-buried hurt in the light of awareness. It can open the door to trust, resiliency, and our own truth. It can help us establish boundaries by having high standards that validate our self-worth.  It can allow us the wisdom to make new choices in the light of awareness that can lead us to our most empowered and whole selves.