Quitting to Win
I’m all for pushing through, persevering and driving forward to meet goals and intentions. We all realize we sometimes have to sacrifice enjoyment in the present to achieve a worthwhile goal. Doing my taxes, studying for exams and even getting up to run on cold mornings when I would rather be cozy in bed all come to mind, but in all those cases, the pay-offs are worth it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with tenacity, grit and dedication, but we must balance that with the freedom to know when to stop.
There is no doubt we live in a “doing” culture where persistence, discipline and dedication are exalted. The collective memes declare, “Quitters never win”; “You have to sacrifice to gain” and “There is nothing for free”. Yet, I propose what might seem like a radical concept.
What if quitting is just as important as persevering to live your best life?
Often, the only way to realize what we enjoy is by realizing what we don’t. When I was a kid I really thought I wanted to be a gymnast. I was enamored and intrigued with those lithe young ladies who seemed to fly and spin, defying gravity. I wanted to do that! I was so excited about my first class and my second and my third. I showed up; I gave it effort, and I even practiced on my own at home as they had instructed. But you know what? I really hated it. I knew just how much work it would take to fly, and I knew deep in my bones it wasn’t worth it and that was totally okay. The end game wasn’t worth the journey.
So often as children, where the cultural spells really become our driving force, we are told to stick it out or finish something we really dislike. Be it food, a sport, a camp or class. How often are we shamed for “quitting” or for the “f” word- “failure”?
We have been gifted signals in the form of emotions and body sensations that tell us when we should stop and when to move forward. Pain and resistance, whether it be physical, emotional, psychological or environmental, tell us when something is amiss and ask us to pause and asses. Yet, when we are conditioned to habitually override these important signals, we can find ourselves living from our head not our heart; disconnected from purpose and authenticity and climbing outside expectations of success. When we silence the signals telling us to stop we push ourselves in unhealthy ways causing harm to our bodies and creating very real issues of illness and dis-ease. Additionally, when quitting isn’t an option and failure is deemed unacceptable we stop risking new experiences, and we stop living.
The truth is you are meant to feel joy. You are meant to feel inspired, engaged, curious, passionate and energized by your life. Again, this is not an all or nothing thing. There will be rainy days too. But if most days are rainy; if you are bored, uninspired or in pain, take that as a sign you likely need to quit something. Whether it be a mindset, a job, a habit or a relationship, something needs to end. When we quit something we open to something new, and the only way to connect to what we love is by testing lots of options. The only way you know it makes your heart sing, is to do it. If you love it, great, keep doing it; if you don’t, stop. Quit. Fail at it with a capital “F”, because identifying your life’s purpose is not about simply deciding where your path should go but discovering the path meant for you. You are not born knowing; you are born wondering and part of this wondering is trying many things and paying attention to what feels right and what doesn’t; recognizing where you feel an opening and where you feel resistance. Trust that knowing when to quit, and doing so, is vital to living your very best life.
