How to Find the Right Help and the Red Flags to Watch out For
It is such an important and empowering decision to reach out for help. It is also an extremely vulnerable one. Thus, it is critical to find the right person to support you on your journey. While the vast majority of helping professionals are exceptional in their chosen field, not every person that hangs out a shingle has the ethics, training, skill, practice or ability to be good at what they do. I have heard countless accounts from clients, colleagues and from personal experience that are at best uncomfortable or unfortunate, and too many that are disturbing and completely unethical.
Whether you are seeking the help of a counselor, therapist, life coach, psychic, healer or spiritual teacher, there are a few key points you want to remember and some blatant red flags to pay attention to so you have the best experience possible. Asking people you trust for suggestions and referrals is a good place to start. Nothing beats personal experience and word of mouth recommendations. Checking credentials and professional certifications are also important. Do not be afraid to do your own research, ask plenty of questions and ask for past client references. A professional in good standing will have no problem freely offering those. If you feel resistance from any helping professional to take the time to speak with you prior to your appointment regarding their services, clear pay scale, confidentiality and ethics that is a red flag. Remember a professional will never share your information with anyone else unless under very specific circumstances (like threats of self-harm, harm to another, or abuse allegations.) Confidentiality is critical to any therapeutic relationship. Yet, even after diligently following all those steps you also want to be on the lookout for some red flags that may not be as obvious.
Specialness - This is a classic red flag. When a helping professional claims they have, “the only way”, “special information” only they can give you, they alone have the wisdom to claim your “readiness” or bestow a special power, healing or gift, it is time to find a new one. Specialness is rooted in the ego of the professional and thus, the intention is not on helping but on self-promotion. This kind of relationship creates an imbalance of power and unhealthy dependency can develop. A good teacher, counselor or healer will out the client first understanding there are many roads to the same place. They will not dictate a truth or action, but will create space for the client to find their own, opening the door to empowerment rather than dependency. A good teacher resists the pedestal, admits they do not have all the answers and will not invalidate your own truth.
Puts others down - At times, professionals will share information or thoughts regarding the practice style, habits, and ethics of other professionals. Opinions and referrals can be important to getting a client feeling their best. Yet, if there is a constant barrage of criticizing others and an unwillingness to encourage referrals and explore other options, this is a red flag. This often indicates specialness or fear and means the professional is not focused on your needs but his or her own.
Does their own work - When asked what I think is the most important aspect of my professional practice I say it is the dedication and commitment to doing my own personal work. This means a practice of integrity; of living in alignment with words and actions. Having active addictions, an inability to sustain relationships or communicate consciously without being high jacked by emotions are red flags. This also does not mean a professional must reach perfection status just that they are truly committed to working on it. It means they can be accountable if they have made a mistake and apologize. It means they understand their reactive habits and instead strive to respond. It means they can claim assertiveness most of the time without falling into righteousness, aggression or passive aggression. In other words, they walk their talk.
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, trust your intuition. Always. It knows. If you feel any resistance, even if the professional checks out and shows no obvious red flags, trust your gut
Asking for help is such an important step. Do so with the power to make the very best choice for yourself.
