Braving the Gap
Between the was and what will be
Sometimes, we choose change, and sometimes, change chooses us.
Notoriously, the latter is more challenging. Why? Because when change chooses us, we find ourselves adrift in the gap—the space between what was and what will be, between the familiar and the unknown.
You see, we humans don't do uncertainty well, and that gap is filled with it. It's a turbulent, even chaotic place that hits all our fear points. We don't know what's coming. And that uncertainty is deeply intertwined with our survival instincts. Not knowing means we have less control, and that's triggering to our parts that like a sense of security. I say triggering not just to highlight our anxious parts but to acknowledge the very real danger uncertainty can hold.
This is why the gap of change is both a challenge and a gift. It is a challenge because it uncovers all those shadowy layers we either set aside or haven't met yet. It asks us to step into the courage of doing hard things. It's a gift for the exact same reason. Ugh. And you're welcome.
We cannot improve or change what we cannot fully see. I suspect we will have many revelations of the real in the weeks, months, and even years to come. It may be helpful to discuss how to best navigate the terrain. I will continue to do that in future writing. This post will get us started.
Because this is what I know about the gap of change. Once begun, there is no going back. It takes as long as it takes. The only way out is directly through.
Here are some initial tips as we navigate the gap.
Acknowledge it
Recognize the uncertainty you're facing and name it for what it is. The gap is disorienting, but understanding that it's a natural part of change can reduce resistance and help you stay present with what's unfolding.
Accept What Is
There's no going back. We can't unsee what we have seen or deny what is. Accepting your reality—no matter how uncomfortable—frees up energy to focus on the present and move forward. Acceptance is not passive but a powerful act of courage that says, "I am willing to face this."
Set Boundaries
Protect your energy by defining what you will and won't allow during this period. Whether it's limiting exposure to negativity (social media maybe?), saying no to extra responsibilities, advocating for a cause, or carving out time for rest, boundaries ensure you have the space to heal and grow.
Find Your Genius
Everyone has a unique role to play, especially in times of upheaval. Reflect on your strengths, passions, and values. What is your calling at this moment? Start small if you need to, but take steps to live in alignment with your purpose. Advocacy will be required.
Ground Your Spiritual Practices
Use spirituality to deepen your engagement with reality, not escape it. Avoid spiritual bypassing (I am seeing a LOT of this), where practices are used to avoid discomfort rather than transform it. Instead, lean into practices that foster presence and resilience, like mindfulness, contemplation, journaling, or acts of service.
Embrace Fear as Insight
Fear is a natural response to uncertainty, but it can also be a guide. What is your fear trying to show you? Approach it with curiosity rather than judgment. Ask yourself, "What can I learn from this?" instead of letting fear define your truth.
Honor Rest and Take Breaks
The journey through the gap is long, and exhaustion won't serve you. Schedule time to rest and replenish, whether through sleep, creative outlets, or time in nature. Rest is not a luxury; it's a necessity for sustainable growth. You will need your energy.
Reach Out for Support
You don't have to navigate the gap alone. Connect with trusted friends, family, or a supportive community. Professional guidance, like coaching or therapy, can also help you process complex emotions and gain clarity.
Do Your Own Shadow Work
The gap often reveals parts of ourselves we've ignored or denied. Lean into this inner exploration with compassion. Shadow work helps you uncover hidden beliefs and patterns, offering valuable insights for transformation. See above for help there as well. The more SELF led we are, the better we can become a light in the dark for others.
Respond, Don't React
Take time to pause before reacting to situations that trigger you. Conflict is part of change, and there is no shortage of it currently. We are meant to do conflict well. Emotional intelligence and maturity are required tools to replace reactivity. This does not mean not being angry (or any other feeling you are having). Feelings are a healthy response to injustice, hate, or any other current patterns. Just ground it in authenticity, not reactivity, so you become a force of change.
Because what got us here, won’t get us there.
The gap isn’t just a personal journey—it’s a collective one. In times of great change, grounding ourselves in the Real becomes even more essential. It’s through facing truth, embracing discomfort, and doing the inner work that we contribute to meaningful transformation not only in ourselves but in the world around us.
Real change begins with us. Let’s get to work.
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Photo Credit Aidan Thorvalson.